Elmo The Drug Mule

And I’m back.

Sorry for the brief intermission between blogs there. Call it separating the wheat from the chaff, or just being very busy. Either way, the diehards remain and your loyalty will be rewarded in full with this insightful, yet ever-so witty column.

So where to begin? So much has occurred over the last month. There have been some great stories that have rocked the media. The Cardinals winning the World Series, Madonna stealing little African children, the Foley scandal or Kim Jong Ill threatening to blow up the world.

But none of those stories come close to this week’s topic- Elmo the drug-mule.

That’s right folks, Tickle me Elmo, the innocent little Sesame Street star, was captured by authorities last week in Southern Colorado smuggling 45 pounds of high-quality methamphetamine worth $864,000 and capable of supplying 4 million doses, according to the Denver AP.

Drug agents were suspicious when they tickled Elmo and he told them to “Go Fu*# yourself.”
U.S. Attorney Troy Aid said the alleged ringleader, Elmo Wagner the Third, was arrested Tuesday in Greeley after a yearlong investigation that stretched from Colorado to California.
Elmo was finally caught at the Dirty Bird Bar & Grill in downtown Greeley while selling meth to co-star Cookie Monster who wore a wire helping authorities close the case.
“I just wanted to get the kid some help,” Monster said. “I mean he was always twitching and sweating on set and missing his cues. C is for Cookie!”
When asked for comment Elmo simply said, “tickle this” while giving the middle finger.
Elmo, a furry red monster with googly eyes and an orange nose, stars on the popular television show “Sesame Street,” making the arrest all that more shocking to loyal three-year-old fans.

“Me love Elmo,” said Jimmy Murphy, a visibly upset four-year-old Elmo fan from Greeley who was under the impression “meth” was a form of cotton candy. “Me love lamp,” added Murphy before hitting the dog Jeepers and being relegated to a timeout.

Jeffrey C. Sweet, special agent in charge of the federal Drug Enforcement Administration's Rocky Mountain Region, said Elmo was working with about five methamphetamine rings throughout the country.
``I've never seen a meth arrest have more impact than this one,'' he said, adding that Elmo is a drug lord that will go down in the history books with Al Capone, Pablo Escobar and Tony Montana.
Elmo is just the latest in a long line of Hollywood stars to get caught up in the drug scene. Robert Downey Jr., Christen Slater and the Sponge Bob Square Pants all have had their run-ins with the law regarding drug possession.