Scientists really outdid themselves this time.I thought science would never be able to outdo Tang, now that’s a modern marvel of food technology, but now they have created caffeinated doughnuts.
Thanks to the over-stimulated brain of molecular biologist Robert Bohannon, now we can enjoy the equivalent of two-cups of coffee in one convenient doughnut. That means a dozen is like 24 cups of coffee. That’s a lot of caffeine.
The convenient/lethal combination has been dubbed “Buzz Doughnuts” and can also be incorporated into “Buzz Bagels” for those out there who are more health conscious.
Bohannon’s biggest challenge he had to overcome when trying to figure out how best to wake people up and fill them up at the same time, wasn’t getting the caffeine in the pastry, rather still making it taste good.
Apparently, ground up coffee beans in a doughnut tends to have a bitter affect on the normally sugary treat.
To overcome the problem, Bohannon teamed up with “flavoring experts” to mask the bitter bean flavor and still make the doughnut palatable.
The idea of selling the caffeine crème pastries is currently being shopped around to Krispy Kreme and Dunkin Doughnuts.
While it may be tasty and easy to get our morning breakfast and shot of caffeine all in one creamy circle, but it has the making of super-addiction written all over it.
Millions of people are already addicted to food (doughnuts) and caffeine (coffee) separately. How much will it help to combine the tow for them?
“Buzz Doughnuts” will be like legal crack.
And that’s just the beginning. Once Bohannon has the nation addicted to caffeinated doughnut and bagels he’ll roll out phase two. “Buzz waffles,” “Buzz Pop-Tarts,” “Buzz apples” or how about “Buzz Turkey?”
Where will the Buzz end?
Soon we’ll be basting our burgers in “Buzz sauce” i.e. ground up coffee beans without the bitter flavor.
Eventually scientists will just start feeding our crops and cattle Red Bull and Monster Drinks to get them nice and caffeinated before we get them.
The 24-7 buzz will eliminate all need for sleep and a distopia of caffeine addicts is sure to ensue. Insofar Bohannon has destroyed mankind with these “Buzz Doughnuts.”
That being said I can’t wait to try one.
