Fritz The Drummer

Chapter I: The Beginning

2008-12-08T21:58:00.000-08:00

He awoke with a start.

Almost violently, he sucked the cold night’s air into his lungs as he lurched forward. The synapses in his brain remembering life. It took a moment for his mind to register its surroundings.

He stared out the passenger’s side window of the pick-up truck at a black murky night. The inky darkness stretched as long as the eye could see along the cold flat desert.

The vehicle sped along a lone two-way road, its headlights the only sign of life in the alien environment. The dark starless sky canvassed the entire night with an eerie dead silence.

Rotating his neck to the left, the man saw there was no driver. The truck propelled itself silently down the road at a solid 70-miles-per-hour as if set into motion by God himself. The man, with no memory of how this came to be, looked forward again out the windshield.

A tiny light appeared off in the distance.

Miles down the road, to the west, the glowing light grew moving towards the road. As the truck sped forward it became clear the light was that of a train. Like the truck, it too silently traveled through the dark desert on cold hard steel towards the asphalt road.

The man calmly leaned forward watching as the train and the truck neared an intersecting point. Soon it became clear that the two creatures of the night were on a collision course.

The man slid across the bench seat to his left and pumped the breaks.

Nothing.

He pulled on the gearshift and yanked the hand break.

Nothing.

He slammed the horn with a clenched fist.

Nothing.

The ominous dark train chugged along, like a steel snake, through the black soulless sand. And there was nothing the man could say or do to stop it.

In a motion so fluid it would make the most skilled assassin weep, the truck and the train intersected.

The man refused to blink as the dark world burst to white.

And then nothing.

Closer

2008-10-17T20:54:00.000-07:00

Sonic boom in the night its too late but she wont hate the voice in your eyes that says its o but the truth is it will never be and I don’t know what to make of the rest of the time that we spend sailing through the rain of life that shudders inside like a closed clock of dust that never sees the face of time in destiny for we have nothing more to say to each other and when the aim swells to the point of unbearable scorching screaming inside like a cast of iron from the aces where we can never go an end the veins of clouds that float inside my head make me wonder if I’m dead but the truth is that I can’t die anymore than you can fly and that scares the skin that lines the stomach that sits within and now I know that when you tell me spoken words of days since past that leave me wondering where we will last but that never makes any sort of sense and as the liquor fills my veins and I sit here in a stupor of pain like the blood pooling in a drain that has no end in sight and I will tell you thru truth that transcends all hope of life and death and pan and strife and life and crisis that wall never leave because here wean re I a pot of nothing and a space in time before it is all gone but tat makes it seem as I there is something more to say but white light binding like the sight of past pointed spikes inside the head of some giant man who never ran a day in his life but question things like gravity because here we are sitting in a sort of parallel life unknown to those who can’t understand the way we look to be and never want to know how in the world we are her but kindness is the antithesis to this life that we see unfolding in front of me on a daily basis like a baseless fool in the desert left to mend the place behind the awe of nothing more in wonder and lust that makes us trust in something more than just us but I won’t be that man who never felt the way that you do right now in the middle of this pasty place of traced back to some sort o origin more over than the clouds in the sky they fill with wear from the tears of giants whose made of butter like the boy from the back of my main fat rat cat never beer here before no non no know but here they know the truth before you even get to live it rattle those bones I could not taste it if I were round the bend it would make for a taste of lie that we had never known existed until this sex is on fire lore the trial of nail of the long long day and I won’t fight in that higher that you can survive without that make you act the way you act in place of the madness that controls the rat indeed that mind it turns on pain like some sort of bloody mass of peril never to return again but I’ll let it got I never knew you the way you knew me like I love you inside of places that stray from the norm but never go back to there for here but now I say that we are the ones who will run and never look back but on top of this mess it sees so sea like clear in the place of oceans bleeding wine into the soul of a jerk sucking this life dry in place the mice return to feast on the bones of kings that rattle inside the gates of iron combined with rusty dementia nothing will ever be clear years of death inside this house makes it ideal for this process of love in place of knowing more than a hat inside the roots of by the gone of this world to ask for something more to ask for the key to a door to look beyond a hill to walk and not to fill by drain on a daily basis like the rocks that hit your head inside the bloody time frame of this mug that makes all rot and ask for more like the war that rages and will near go into become a conflict with the words that define the space and tie inside this place where I willing give race to some who ask for more but the truth was never self evident in the place where you can’t even discuss this great world of death and grace and space that gives way to nothing more than the end of time I this dawn of kind till the point of trees in bindings click in to tea locks of know no wow but if you ever see the truth it will not only make you see but true place of my face no answers for this man who sees so clearly when the pressures on no way to tell

Muxtape

2008-03-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

My muxtape

Sasquatch

2007-11-01T18:46:00.000-07:00

He's back. Bigfoot himself was reportedly photographed in Ridgeway, Pa by hunter Rick Jacobs who mounted a camera to a tree in hopes of photographing deer.

Jacobs did'nt photograph any deer, however he did get an image of a furry image walking on all fours.

Bear or Sasquatch? You decide.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,307020,00.html

For the Love

2007-11-01T18:40:00.000-07:00

There is the whole ritual of dating filled with awkward gaffs, meeting the parents and inevitably copious amounts of cheap wine.

Who needs a significant other when you have the Internet?

A Zogby International and communications consultancy, 463 Communications, http://www.zogby.com/, poll released this week reveals that one in four Americans say the Internet can serve as a substitute for a significant other.

The online survey, perhaps making it biased to begin with, conducted Oct. 4-8, included 9,743 adult respondents nationwide.

The survey signifies a dynamic shift in this country's sociological mindset.A once open armed, chat with your neighbors culture has manifested itself into a digital avatar life that is replacing the core of human existence — physical, a.k.a.. real, relationships. The survey reports 24 percent of Americans said the Internet could serve as a replacement for a significant other. And while highest among singles, there was no difference between males and females openness to the idea of the Internet as a surrogete partner.

Self-actualization in this country is in limbo, and the Internet is redefining individual relationships at an alarming rate.More than one in four Americans has a social networking profile such as MySpace or Facebook, according to the survey. And of the 78 percent of 18 to 24-year-olds who report having a social networking profile, more are starting to refer to that as their social life.

As frightening as the fact that one-quarter of America would prefer to eat dinner with a computer rather than a member of the opposite sex, perhaps even more fighting is the fact that Americans support using this technology to create an Orwellian future. More than half of Americans said Internet content, such as video, should be controlled in some way by the government. Twenty-nine percent said it should be regulated just like television content, according to the survey. While 24 percent said government should institute an online rating system similar to the one used by the movie industry. Only 36 percent said the blocking of Internet video would be unconstitutional.

And while Americans apparently want government to monitor what they watch for them, parents are open to the idea of monitoring their children via tracking devices. One in five Americans said they would be willing to insert a chip into a child, 13 or younger, to help track them if they are lost, abducted, or just tend not to be where they are supposed to be. What kind of Draconian Big Brother reality do we live in when people are ready to treat their children like cocker-spaniels.

This isn't some science fiction Robert Ludlum novel, these are real people wanting to institute real technology to make a generation, dependent on computers, more dependent on technology. Imagine if you will a not so distant future where our children, implanted with tracking chips, sit in front of their computers interacting with their significant other aptly named the Web.

I need some cheap wine.

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. 1922 - 2007

2007-04-12T16:39:00.000-07:00

Raise a glass to a man who knew no bounds...

To Pierce or Not to Pierce? Is That Really the Question?

2007-04-07T13:46:00.000-07:00

I accepted a long time ago that I couldn't get a piercing.

My reasoning, if you’re tough enough to have a piercing you should be tough enough to take a punch.

I have never been very good at taking a punch. I curl into a ball and wheeze like a broken bagpipe.

But that’s not to say I don’t empathize with my pierced brethren who are afraid to express themselves via a stud in the nose.
I too, know all too well what it is like to have to modify your appearance for the sake of “professionalism.”

I happen to be partial to a certain type of hairstyle known as the “mullet.” But as you can imagine the office doesn't lend itself to this particular look.

However, my hairstyle is not the point here. The real point is where does the office end and personal life begin?

Odds are very few employees out there are able to entirely be themselves in the workplace.
Majority of businesses’ exert some sort of dress code or policy on its employees.

But exactly how much control does a company hold over its workforce?
While an organization wants to present a professional image, whose to say someone who doesn't fit those conventional “norms” can’t be perfectly professional with a giant tattoo and tongue ring.

On the same token, when you go in for surgery would it make you comfortable if the last thing you saw was the doctor’s nose ring dangling above your head?
The core of this issue isn't piercings, tattoos or even hairstyles. It is people’s preconceived
notions.

Everyone has a stereotype in their mind about individuals based on appearance, whether they want to admit it or not.
Mine is that you have to be “tough” to get a piercing. That’s clearly absurd. I’ve seen infants with pierced ears.

And while a younger generation of workers may look different than their predecessors, odds are those professional stigmas and stereotypes will always exist in some form.
Which means no matter how much the work place evolves, there will still be some sort of restrictions placed on employees appearance.

Whether that is right or wrong is up to each individual to decide. Then celebrate that decision with a nose piercing or custom tattoo.

White Kids Indeed love Hip Hop

2007-03-30T12:41:00.000-07:00

How many rap show end with the rapper getting a titty-twister from some zit-faced teenager in the crowd?

Can you imagine 50 Cent finishing off his set, covered in sweat no shirt muscles bulging, when some fan jumps up yanks his nipple and runs off?

50 Cent would shoot him dead right there, along with half the audience and about 30 members of his entourage. The kid would be Swiss cheese.

But that is exactly what happened Tuesday night at the mc Chris show in Denver. Some random kid felt it was necessary to tweak mc’s nipple as he bid farewell.

It’s just one of many things you see at a mc chris show that would never happen to any other rapper.

Mc Chris, real name Chris Ward from Illinois, persona is far from the image most have in their mind from his squeaky high rhymes on his record.

The 32-year-old rapper strolls out on stage plops down his Apple notebook pulls up I-tunes and plugs I his mic. Frankly the short little white guy looks like any one of ten guys at the bar drinking cheap beer, which chris was most likely doing prior to going on stage.

After cuing up the ghost buster theme song and firing off a few quick lyrics, mc tells the audience, composed mostly off overweight Star Wars fans and skinny stoners, to shut up while he tests his levels.

Chris is quick on his feet and a genuinely good rapper, but it is hard to the where the persona ends and the character begins.

Most of his songs revolve around comic books, Star Wars, getting beat up and marijuana. But then keep in mind he got his start in the music business as the MC Pee Pants, a rapping spider on the Carton Network’s Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
Over the course of his half an hour show at Denver’s Marquee Theater, Chris talks as much as he raps, including a five-minute tirade about how much it sucks that they killed off Captain America.

“If you don’t read comic books now would be a good time to get a beer or talk to a girl,” Chris yelled, before going into his tirade

It’s also worth noting mc chris was the opening act for Piebald, and by the time Piebald hit the stage majority of the crowd was gone.

Mc’s fan base runs deep and is loyal, because the bottom line is he is entertaining That’s why a 12-year-old hip hop fan can stand next to a 30-year-old Star Wars fan, whose only similarity is they both still live with there parents, and appreciate a middle-aged white guy joke about the cops not finding his stash.

Surreal? Perhaps, but his favorite kind of nut is the macadamia, so what are you going to do?

Mmmm Buzz Doughnuts

2007-01-28T16:05:00.000-08:00

Scientists really outdid themselves this time.

I thought science would never be able to outdo Tang, now that’s a modern marvel of food technology, but now they have created caffeinated doughnuts.

Thanks to the over-stimulated brain of molecular biologist Robert Bohannon, now we can enjoy the equivalent of two-cups of coffee in one convenient doughnut. That means a dozen is like 24 cups of coffee. That’s a lot of caffeine.

The convenient/lethal combination has been dubbed “Buzz Doughnuts” and can also be incorporated into “Buzz Bagels” for those out there who are more health conscious.

Bohannon’s biggest challenge he had to overcome when trying to figure out how best to wake people up and fill them up at the same time, wasn’t getting the caffeine in the pastry, rather still making it taste good.

Apparently, ground up coffee beans in a doughnut tends to have a bitter affect on the normally sugary treat.

To overcome the problem, Bohannon teamed up with “flavoring experts” to mask the bitter bean flavor and still make the doughnut palatable.

The idea of selling the caffeine crème pastries is currently being shopped around to Krispy Kreme and Dunkin Doughnuts.

While it may be tasty and easy to get our morning breakfast and shot of caffeine all in one creamy circle, but it has the making of super-addiction written all over it.

Millions of people are already addicted to food (doughnuts) and caffeine (coffee) separately. How much will it help to combine the tow for them?

“Buzz Doughnuts” will be like legal crack.

And that’s just the beginning. Once Bohannon has the nation addicted to caffeinated doughnut and bagels he’ll roll out phase two. “Buzz waffles,” “Buzz Pop-Tarts,” “Buzz apples” or how about “Buzz Turkey?”

Where will the Buzz end?

Soon we’ll be basting our burgers in “Buzz sauce” i.e. ground up coffee beans without the bitter flavor.

Eventually scientists will just start feeding our crops and cattle Red Bull and Monster Drinks to get them nice and caffeinated before we get them.

The 24-7 buzz will eliminate all need for sleep and a distopia of caffeine addicts is sure to ensue. Insofar Bohannon has destroyed mankind with these “Buzz Doughnuts.”

That being said I can’t wait to try one.

Have a Merry Christmas!

2006-12-24T16:05:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas to All

The Perfect Storm

2006-12-20T18:04:00.000-08:00

Colorado may be in a state of Emergency due to a massive snowstorm that pummeled the state with up to four feet of snow in some areas, but there is another storm brewing in Denver on the basketball court.

This week it was announced that Philadelphia’s 76ers Allen Iverson was traded to the Denver Nuggets for Andre Miller, Joe Smith and two first-round 2007 draft picks. The 76ers threw in Ivan McFarlin to sweeten the deal.

Take Iverson and mix in a little Carmelo Anthony, after serving his 15 game suspension for sucker punching New York Knicks' Mardy Collins, and you have the perfect storm.

Between 2001 MVP Iverson and Anthony leading the league in scoring with 31.1 ppg, this duo is going to do more than sell tickets, which they have already done plenty of.

The Nuggets, already a playoff contender, have upped their offensive threat with two players who can easily put 60-points on the board a game just between the two of them.

Granted both Iverson and Anthony have less than stellar track records off the court. Both have had run-ins with the law off the court. And on the court as can be seen by this latest incident, the two have limited self-control.

But at the same time Iverson brings 10 seasons of experience to a young Denver team that could use both leadership and vision. While Anthony has potential to be the next superstar in the NBA, he is still young. Anthony has led the Nuggets well, but Iverson will add depth to the chemistry on the team.

Iverson has already said he is thrilled to be coming to Denver, and it’s no wonder considering the team he is coming from.

The 76ers never gave half as much to Iverson as he gave to them by single-handedly turning them into a viable threat.

Putting Iverson into the run and gun offensive Denver runs is ideal. Combined with Earl Boykins, Marcus Camby and Nene the Nuggets now have the ability to do something they haven’t had in year – go deep in the playoffs.

While the odds of Denver winning it all are still marginal, Iverson widens that margin a bit and perhaps will give the Nuggets a late season shot in the arm to get them through.

Denver’s weakness is still on defense. Neither Iverson nor Anthony put up too much of a fight on defense. That will pose a problem against better teams such as LA or Miami who can match the high scoring points.

Denver will have to run their game from start to finish and take other teams out of it early, something it doesn’t always do.

If nothing else the Iverson/Anthony combination promises to be an exciting show.

Check It Out!

2006-12-10T17:54:00.000-08:00

Drink It up

Victory Gin Reviews

Trans Fat Fight

2006-12-10T16:40:00.000-08:00

It was only a matter of time.

After all the government controls what we see on television, read in books and hear on the radio. It was inevitable that one day it would control what we eat.

That day is three months away in New York City.

Tuesday the New York City's board of health banned trans fatty acids in all foods. Trans fats are basically 99 percent of all fast food. It is that synthetic material that makes McDonald’s cheeseburger wrappers transparent. Oh, and it also kills millions of Americans each year.

Yes, anyone with an iota of brains is smart enough to know that trans fats are unhealthy. So why is the government playing the part of Mom telling us what we can and can’t eat?

Is it this the next step in a totalitarian Big Brother society, or just the government trying to address a spreading epidemic of obesity caused by fast foods containing trans fats?

The new law requires all restaurants from MacDonald’s to Krispy Kreme to phase out all trans fats by July 2007. While this will make food in NY City healthier, is this going to fix the problem?

In a society where fast food has become a way of life for the general public eliminating trans fat is like putting a band-aid on a gaping wound. Someone who eats five burgers a week and exercises by walking to the fridge and back isn’t going to benefit much from the new law.

The real underlying question here is why is the general public unable to eliminate trans fats from their diet on their own. When society reaches a point where it can’t control itself perhaps the government should step in.

But if that’s the case where is the line drawn?

By the same logic the government should ban other things that are bad for us like smoking, drinking or even driving which kills millions every year with accidents.

Whenever government steps in and regulates what the public can or can’t do, whether it is with food or free speech, there is a slippery slope that leads to a dictatorship.

So where does this leave NY City?

After a lifetime of trans fats, millions of overweight New Yorkers are literally addicted to this synthetic substance. Whatever soy-based substitute is used, those fast food addicts won’t be satisfied.
People will be driving to upstate New York to get their weekly fix of “real” burgers and fries. Trans fat smugglers will hollow out Tickle Me Elmo dolls to smuggle Big Mac’s and Whoppers into the city.

A black market will spring up overnight for trans fat products. The price of a KFC drumstick will be equal to crack. Shady characters will hang out in the alleys off of Broadway offering “real burgers.”

The crime rate is sure to skyrocket, as the trans fat ban will turn brother against brother and father against son. When the trans fat is out of the fast food junkie’s system doctors predict they will do anything to get a fix. Including kill.

Yes, be prepared for a violent year in NY City, as the streets are sure to run red with the trans fatty blood of fast food addicts.

Elmo The Drug Mule

2006-11-01T19:28:00.000-08:00

And I’m back.

Sorry for the brief intermission between blogs there. Call it separating the wheat from the chaff, or just being very busy. Either way, the diehards remain and your loyalty will be rewarded in full with this insightful, yet ever-so witty column.

So where to begin? So much has occurred over the last month. There have been some great stories that have rocked the media. The Cardinals winning the World Series, Madonna stealing little African children, the Foley scandal or Kim Jong Ill threatening to blow up the world.

But none of those stories come close to this week’s topic- Elmo the drug-mule.

That’s right folks, Tickle me Elmo, the innocent little Sesame Street star, was captured by authorities last week in Southern Colorado smuggling 45 pounds of high-quality methamphetamine worth $864,000 and capable of supplying 4 million doses, according to the Denver AP.

Drug agents were suspicious when they tickled Elmo and he told them to “Go Fu*# yourself.”
U.S. Attorney Troy Aid said the alleged ringleader, Elmo Wagner the Third, was arrested Tuesday in Greeley after a yearlong investigation that stretched from Colorado to California.
Elmo was finally caught at the Dirty Bird Bar & Grill in downtown Greeley while selling meth to co-star Cookie Monster who wore a wire helping authorities close the case.
“I just wanted to get the kid some help,” Monster said. “I mean he was always twitching and sweating on set and missing his cues. C is for Cookie!”
When asked for comment Elmo simply said, “tickle this” while giving the middle finger.
Elmo, a furry red monster with googly eyes and an orange nose, stars on the popular television show “Sesame Street,” making the arrest all that more shocking to loyal three-year-old fans.

“Me love Elmo,” said Jimmy Murphy, a visibly upset four-year-old Elmo fan from Greeley who was under the impression “meth” was a form of cotton candy. “Me love lamp,” added Murphy before hitting the dog Jeepers and being relegated to a timeout.

Jeffrey C. Sweet, special agent in charge of the federal Drug Enforcement Administration's Rocky Mountain Region, said Elmo was working with about five methamphetamine rings throughout the country.
``I've never seen a meth arrest have more impact than this one,'' he said, adding that Elmo is a drug lord that will go down in the history books with Al Capone, Pablo Escobar and Tony Montana.
Elmo is just the latest in a long line of Hollywood stars to get caught up in the drug scene. Robert Downey Jr., Christen Slater and the Sponge Bob Square Pants all have had their run-ins with the law regarding drug possession.

Mark Burnett = Osama Bin Laden?

2006-10-03T17:15:00.000-07:00

Preface: I would like to begin by stating that I have not seen the new season of Survivor and have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about.

That being said I am utterly disgusted by the new season of Survivor Cook Islands. Apparently watching people starve in a world ridden with poverty and starvation doesn’t pass for entertainment anymore.

This season CBS series producer Mark Burnet decided to make race an issue, as if racism isn’t already a hot topic in this country. This season Survivor has four tribes segregated into Caucasian, Hispanic, African-American and Asian.

Is that PC enough for ya?

I’m all for confronting the issue of racism in healthy dialog, but pitting groups of races against each other for cash is about as smart as taking a bath with a toaster.

Let’s stop and think for a moment about the state of our country. We are in the middle of a costly war that has no end in sight, terrorism has reached the point that we have to fly without liquids, the President is asking congress to make it legal to spy on our citizens and torture prisoners and Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown have filled for divorce.

Call me crazy but I think the last thing this country needs is more division. As far as I’m concerned Burnett is equal to the terrorists trying to destroy this country. What is the possible benefit to pitting different races against each other? The only thing it will accomplish is furthering the ignorant stereotypes perpetuated by media outlets like Survivor.

What’s next a survivor segregated by sexes? It’s going to turn into an episode of the real world soon. And how are you supposed to cheer on a team without feeling a bit racist yourself?

Instead of dividing why not unite. How about a tribe composed of a Ku Klux Clan member, Black Panther, conservative republican voter, pimp and Mariah Carey? If you put that gang on island and even one walked away alive it would be an accomplishment, plus it would be a lot more entertaining than watching a bunch of yahoos eat ants off a log.

Survivor Cook Islands has single handedly set back the equality among races movement by at least a good 50 years. I fully expect that by the end of the season their will be race riots on the streets over this travesty of a TV show.

My only hope is that somehow the tribes are able to team up and figure out a way to get off the island, perhaps a makeshift raft of some sort, tack down mark Burnett and beat him to death with bamboo showing him the real “reality” of the ridiculous show he has created.

Adios Muchachos

2006-09-19T21:39:00.000-07:00

Perhaps readers out there have heard the news that this will be my final day writing for The Scene. Which in turn means this will be the last installment of the Lighter Side.

Now before my readers start worrying about how they are going to waste time and kill brain cells if there is no Lighter Side to read, let me reassure you their will still be plenty of pointless dribble printed in the Daily Record in my absence.

“But David,” one might say. “Without the Lighter Side how will we find out about such important issues such as great white shark attacks in the River and stray dogs taking illegal anabolic steroids?”

That’s a very good question and I thank you concerned reader for asking. Those who want to keep abreast of the latest in asinine news and my rants and raves are invited to visit www.davidslightersid.bloggerspot.com where the mayhem that is the Lighter Side will continue.

And the best part is there is no evil big brother censoring my writings at www.davidslightersid.bloggerspot.com. For instance like the way the title of this column was censored. Find out the truth behind the newspaper pages at www.davidslightersid.bloggerspot.com.

Now onto the big news of the week, the AP reported the Russians will not fire Madonna into space in 2007.

This comes as bad news to everyone who has ever heard Madonna sing. The upside perhaps they will have room for Prince on board.

The idea was conceived to garner publicity in an election year for the Russian Space Program and the singer who has expressed interest in taking a trip to outer space.

Madonna is not the first celebrity to express an interest space travel. Recall if you will Lance Bass’s training with NASA for a shuttle launch in 2002, when his check bounced. So instead of going to the moon, Bass decided to come out of the closet. A trip none the less.

I tackled this important issue in prior columns where I discussed the extreme waste of time and money spent when the genral public pays to go into outer space as a “tourist” or what I like to call UFI (unidentified flying idiot).

Well since then I have had lots of time to think about this issue of citizen space travel and I am prepared to redefine my opinion of it. I am opposed to commercial space travel in all forms unless it pertains to celebrities such as Madonna.

In fact I propose an all celebrity mission called “Stars to the Stars.” Basically we will stick a bunch of so called celebrities on a giant spaceship and launch them to dwarf-planet Pluto where they can all entertain each other.

Aside from Madonna and Prince the crew will consist of Brittany Spears, Tom Cruise, Paris Hilton, Craig Ferguson, Carrot Top, Mr. T, Lindsey Lohan, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, the entire cast of Friends, Flava Flav, Jake Plummer and that annoying guy from American Idol.

If the shuttle explodes on the launch pad NASA will consider the mission a success. I’m sure there could be a “Stars to the Stars” mission II, III and so on because really the list of people who qualify is endless.

Well there it is, my final column for what it’s worth. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank those people who made this all possible.

First I’d like to thank the first admendment, which gives me the strength to tackle such hard-hitting issues. My wife Becky, who helped me conceive half my columns. Big ups to the DR for printing my diatribes. Mad Man Macalla, for being one cool boss. A big shout out to the newsroom that had my back all the way. My stalker, I couldn’t have done it without you man; take your meds and keep the hate mail coming. Sports Dude, mad respect for believing in my chops, Coyote’s for all the caffeine Oh man I don’t want to forget anybody… what? I know I’m out of time. Oh yea the Record Breakers are No. 1.

Peace ya’ll I’m out.

Welcome

2006-09-18T23:08:00.000-07:00

Welcome to The Lighter Side.

A venue where I take a look at the more humorous aspects of life and the world we live in. This website will serve as a new medium for the column "The Lighter Side" which recently came to an end. That column will be posted shortly.

In this Blog readers can enjoy an honest commentary on current events and news. I vow to use these posts to only confront the most important issues facing the world today, such as the spreading contamination of e coli in spinach and the threat posed by rouge Royal Canadian Mounted Police.

Check back frequently as I intended to keep this site updated. Till then…